Defunk! Find Postpartum Positivity Using Mindset Shifts in your Journal
Making Postpartum Positivity Possible
Everyone can use mindset shifts, I try to use them all the time inside and outside of my classroom. While I am a huge advocate for trying to shift to a place of positivity, I didn’t realize how badly I needed the journal work of mindset shifts until I became a mom. Parenthood is overwhelming. Being the person and part of the unit of persons for a little being that you are still figuring out is exhausting. There is a rush of emotions that happens with wanting to keep the new little one safe, wanting to take care of yourself and your partner, and adjusting to a new life routine. Even if the new addition isn’t your first, new moms (of any kind) can benefit from mindset shift work. This post is for the new moms that need to work themselves out of the funk, and all they have is a notebook and a pen or pencil.
When I became a mother, I knew that the most important person talking to me was myself. However, it became impossible at times to feel positive because I was tired, discouraged, or lost in all of the new information. (All while trying to keep a tiny baby alive and not dreading going to the restroom with my peri-bottles and larger-than-life pads.) I am a firm believer that we are the mindset we make each day. While it was easy to find joy in newborn snuggles, I think everyone can use a journal to make the postpartum period of life a bit more joyous on the inside as well as the outside. Everyone kept telling my husband and me: “Trust me, it gets better.” I am here to tell you, yes it gets better, but you can also use mindset shifts along the way to help your own sanity until little one gives you that first long sleeping stretch at night.
How to Setup a Mindset Shift
In order to do a mindset shift, all you need is a blank page. Create three columns. The left column is labeled “I feel…,” the middle column is labeled “I want…,” and the last column is labeled “So.”
FIRST COLUMN= Your feelings or the negative thought
SECOND COLUMN=The shift that you want in your thoughts
THIRD COLUMN=The strategy you will use to get there
The first example image below applies to everyone. Mindset shifts can be used for all areas of life and for all people. The second example image is for mothers. The key to this exercise is figuring out how you want to feel. The most powerful column in this exercise is the “So,” column because this will help you make a plan of action. Mindset shifts help to make the link between thought and our daily physical actions. This is how we form habits that impact our lives in a positive way.
How to Brainstorm the Shifts for Each Column
Step 1: Give yourself permission to be negative.
Whenever I tell myself that I shouldn’t be negative, my mind goes to a place where I am negative anyway. Set yourself free. On the right-hand side of your notebook page or column, write down everything that you are thinking that makes you feel down, sad, or just grumpy. I am talking about the kind of stuff that a good cup of coffee won’t necessarily fix right away. Don’t censor your feelings. Anything that makes you feel overwhelmed in mommyhood is fair game.
Here are some of mine from the first couple of months postpartum:
My body will never be the same.
I will never be independent again.
I won’t ever have alone time with my husband or myself again.
I am not healing fast enough.
I don’t know enough to be a good mom.
I will never sleep again.
I failed at breastfeeding.
Step 2: Ease into the shift with the ones that are obvious to you.
I looked at my list when I got done venting, and I realized that some of my negative thoughts could easily be shifted. For example, my rational self knew that judging my postpartum body at the 4-week mark was incredibly unfair of me. (It also is unfair of me at the 12-week mark when I am creating this blog post). I could easily make that shift. I also knew it was completely ridiculous in my mind to not think I was being a good mama because I didn’t know information. I caught myself being downright not kind to my own learning process.
Here are two shifts:
My body will never be the same. My body just did an amazing feat of giving life. Be kind to your healing body. Your body will heal with time and effort.
I don’t know enough to be a good mom. I am learning each day. My child has become a great teacher.
Step 3: Put what you want in the middle column.
Put what you want to think in the middle column-even if you don’t know how to get there. For some of my negative thoughts, I had to seek out answers from other mamas, my providers, or my partner. For example, I really had no idea how hard breastfeeding was for a new mama. I took all the classes, I read all of the books, and I still thought that my body would know naturally what to do. Not the case. It didn’t help that almost all of my mama friends around me also were wildly successful with breastfeeding. This made me feel isolated and like a failure. Thus, a pattern of negative thinking began to develop. However, it was my partner that encouraged me to put a piece of myself first again. He had watched me try to manage feedings, try to pump, and then only sleep for an hour or two just to repeat the cycle again. So, I made a shift.
I failed at breastfeeding. I gave my baby (x amount of weeks) breastmilk. I didn’t give up on trying to give her the best start possible. She is fed and isn’t hungry.
There were also some that I had to really find some answers inside of myself regarding how I wanted to shift them. For example, my negative thought about independence couldn’t be answered easily because in many ways I won’t be truly independent again. I will always have a little one with me, around me, and in my life. However, I have realized that aspects of my independence did not leave and those parts of me are just as satisfied. My needs are being met by engaging in these independent moments.
I will never be independent again. Independence looks different and now comes in different (and sometimes unexpected) time slots. You can be independent and have a little one around. You can balance independence and dependence; it just may not be on your schedule.
Step 4: Brainstorm a strategy for the last column.
This column is the most powerful of the three columns because it makes you feel like you can do something about your negative thinking. However, it is also a column that can make you feel overwhelmed even more. Go gently with column three. What if you don’t know the answer or have a strategy for solving your problem? What if your problem seems so big that you can’t solve it? The key to this column is to start small. Start with a small win or a small strategy that will make you feel like you are addressing the issue. For example, in the above example image, I talked about adding in more water to help with my body image positivity. I love the quote about small wins from Elizabeth Gilbert: “So, what if instead of thinking about solving your whole life, you just think about adding additional good things. One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow.” The last column is the start of your good pile.
